From Ashes to Easter

It's that time of year again; the time I used to dread, but now almost look forward to; a time to "reboot" and take a closer look at my life. On this first Sunday of Lent, I am thankful for this season. I'm thankful for the time to look at myself and recognize what needs to change.

I think this time of prayer and penance is not just about looking at all my faults, though. I think it's also a time to take a closer look at the blessings in my life. For that reason, I'm starting a series of gratitude posts. I hope to make this a daily habit, at least during Lent.

Today I'm thankful that I was able to begin this season with a retreat at Cedarbrake Retreat Center on Ash Wednesday. What better way to start Lent than with an extended time of prayer amidst the natural beauty of Cedarbrake's grounds.

Letting Go - Again

I have a quote hanging on my wall that says, “When you surrender, all heaven will break loose.” In recent months I have experienced the truth of these words. Whenever I “let go and let God,” as the saying goes, God is able to work powerfully in my life.

I haven’t written anything for quite a while, so when I sat down to write this blog entry, I decided to look back and read some of my previous posts. I was surprised and somewhat embarrassed to see that my last two blog entries, from 2 years ago, were about this very subject (letting go). I guess it takes me a long time to learn a lesson, so God has to keep reminding me. I thank God that he is so patient with me.

Before we moved to Texas two years ago, Bob and I decided to rent an apartment for a while, to give us time to look for a house. We were able to get a 6 month lease, so I expected to be in a house early in 2016. However, God had other plans.

It was 3 months before Bob could join Paul and me in Texas, so we started house hunting soon after he arrived. I was gung-ho about finding a house, but I soon discovered that Bob was in no hurry. We took a big hit when we sold our house in PA, so he wanted to make sure the next house we bought would be a good investment.

When we first started looking, Bob and I made a list of the things we each wanted in a house. We both wanted a ranch style house with just one story and 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Bob wanted a house on a corner lot, in a quiet neighborhood, with a nice yard and a fireplace. I wanted a house that was close to our church, with space for storage, gas heat, and an extra room that I could use as a prayer room and study.

However, there were very few houses in Temple with gas heat, especially if they had a fireplace, and it was difficult to find anything in our price range that was in a quiet neighborhood. By the time our 6 month lease was up, we still hadn’t found a house, so we went to a month-to-month lease.

About that time, the housing market changed, and Bob made the decision to stop looking because he felt it was a bad time to buy a house. I was very frustrated, and I continued looking for houses online, but Bob was set in his decision, so I finally gave in.

That was over a year ago. Thankfully, I was eventually able to surrender to God. I was finally at peace with the possibility of living in an apartment for the rest of my life. I left the whole situation in God’s hands. If God had a house for us, wonderful, but if it was his will that we stay in the apartment, so be it. I would just have to make the most of it. Therefore, when our apartment management announced that they would be doubling the month-to-month fee, I agreed to sign up for another 6 month lease which would expire at the end of July.

A few months ago, when I was driving to church, I noticed a house with a sign out front which said, “For Sale. Coming Soon.” It looked like a perfect location (on a corner lot, in a quiet neighborhood, and less than a mile from our church). By this time Bob was ready to start looking at houses again, so I kept an eye on the sign.

A few weeks later I noticed that “Coming Soon” had been removed from the sign, so I looked up the listing on the internet. It seemed like just what we were looking for, so the next morning I called our realtor, and she was able to get us an appointment to view the house at 3:30 that afternoon.

When we met our realtor at the house, she informed us that someone else had already made an offer on the house, and that the sellers’ realtor would be presenting the offer to them at 5:30. If we were interested in the house, we would have to make our own offer before 5:30.

Once we saw the house, we loved it, so we went right to the realtor’s office to sign a contract. We then left it in God’s hands and went home and waited to hear which offer the sellers accepted.

A few hours later our realtor called to say that the two offers were very close, so the sellers were asking that the 2 potential buyers send them a short bio of themselves. I sat down and wrote a letter to the sellers, telling them what brought us to Temple and why we were interested in their house. I e-mailed the letter to our realtor, and then left everything in God’s hands.

Late the next day our realtor called to say that the sellers had accepted our offer! I am still in awe at God’s faithfulness and mercy.

The house went on the market on June 2; we looked at the house and submitted an offer on June 5; we closed on the house on June 29; and we moved in on July 15. That left us just enough time to get everything out of our apartment and clean it before our lease expired on July 31! I couldn’t have timed it better if I had planned it myself.

After we moved in we took out that list of things we wrote when we first started looking, and this house had every single item on the list. It had a fireplace and gas heat. It had plenty of storage space, and not just one but three extra rooms. I now have a prayer room, a craft room, and an office, not to mention a separate laundry room off the kitchen!

God is so good! It’s amazing what he can and will do when we stop trying to control everything and we submit to his will. It’s all about trust. It’s about believing that God can and will do anything (if we let him) and that he knows and does what is best for us.

A Broken Spirit

“The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:17

When I was meditating on Psalm 51 a few months ago, I had a hard time with this verse. I didn’t like the idea of being “broken,” until God inspired me to take a deeper look at “brokenness.”

A broken spirit is one that has submitted its will to the will of another, like when a horse is broken and trained to do what its master wants. This involves a relationship of trust. The horse needs to learn to trust the master and to accept that the master is in charge.

To have a broken spirit, I need to submit my will to God. I need to pray as Jesus prayed, “Not my will, but thine be done.” I also need to trust that God is in control and that he wants what is best for me.

Brokenness in this sense does not mean to damage something so that it is no longer useful, like when a glass is broken. Rather, the opposite is true. A horse that is not broken is not useful for anything, because it cannot be controlled. A broken horse, on the other hand, can be trained to do all sorts of useful things.

In the same way, God cannot use me until I am “broken,” until I submit to Him and allow Him to use me as He wills. Once I learn to trust Him and submit to Him, He can do great things in and through me.

Letting Go

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (Matt. 6:19-21)

These verses from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount pretty much sum up my life for the past few months, as God teaches me about letting go and trusting in Him. I have always tended to be a keeper. I don’t think I’ve ever reached the point of being a hoarder, but I definitely tend to hang onto things much longer than I should, especially if they have any sentimental value.

Now that we are preparing to downsize and move into an apartment, I’ve had to re-evaluate my attachment to things. I’ve had to let go and get rid of a lot of stuff.

Something that a friend posted on Facebook a few months ago helped me to see a different aspect of letting go. She was getting ready to move and was having trouble letting go of some of her things because of the memories connected with them. One thing she said really helped me: “If we are lucky enough, we will watch them go out our front door and be part of another family’s home where that family can start a history, have stories and laughter as well.”

The idea that others would be blessed made the pain of letting go of treasured possessions much easier to bear. In fact, I’ve found this whole process of letting go to be very freeing. I’ve tried to think of people who could probably use the things I was getting rid of: dollhouse furniture and craft items to a cousin with two granddaughters; homeschooling resources to other homeschooling moms; bookcases and photo paper to a cousin who does photography; and Legos and Duplos to our parish school.

Letting go of my kids’ drawings and craft projects has been a little more challenging, since I’ve had to trash a lot of those. I’ve saved a few things to scan into my computer, but most of the stuff has gone into the recycling bin. Even though it’s hard to see them go, looking through all those treasures has been a wonderful trip down memory lane.

The hardest thing for me to let go of is my attachment to people. I love the parish that we are in now, and I have made many friends here over the years. It’s going to be really hard to say goodbye to them. However, I trust that God will provide another wonderful parish and many new friends. Also, thanks to modern technology, I’ll still be able to keep up with my family and friends after we move.

Ever since Bob and I got married, he has talked about moving to Texas. He spent some time there as a teenager and really liked it. I pretty much swore that I’d never move to Texas. I wanted to be near my family and friends, not halfway across the country where I was sure I would never see them again.

I’m slowly learning, though, that it doesn’t matter where you live, as long as it’s where God has called you to be. I feel that God is calling us to make this move to Texas, so I trust Him to provide for us as we follow his lead. As long as I can still keep in touch with my family and I have access to the Sacraments, that is all I could ask for. I’m hoping to focus on laying up treasures in heaven, rather than accumulating more stuff.

So, in about a month, I’ll be saying, “Goodbye, PA” and “Hello, Temple, Texas”! Please keep our family in your prayers as we make this big move.

A Feast for our Souls

“So I will bless you as long as I live; I will lift up my hands and call on your name. My soul is feasted as with marrow and fat, and my mouth praises you with joyful lips when I think upon you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” (Psalm 63:4-8)

When meditating on this passage a few months ago, I was especially struck by the verse “my soul is feasted.” I think it’s a beautiful way to describe prayer. According to Webster’s dictionary, to feast is “to gratify or delight as with a feast.” Webster’s describes a feast as “a rich and elaborate meal” or “anything that gives pleasure because of its abundance or richness.”

Prayer is nourishment for our souls. We were created to love and serve God, so no created thing can ever satisfy our deepest inner longings. It is only when we are in communion with God through prayer that our thirst for Him is quenched and our souls are “feasted.”

When I “meet” God in prayer, I discover his merciful love for me. Knowing his love fills me with joy and hope. It is in prayer and the sacraments that God gives me the grace I need to face the trials of life and to trust in Him and his love for me.

Another verse that struck me is “my soul clings to you.” According to Webster’s, to cling is to “hold fast … as by embracing [or] entwining.” To me, then, clinging to God means to become one with Him, allowing Him to live and work in and through me. As St. Paul says, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” (Gal. 2:20)

The Power of Praise

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the lands! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord is God! (Psalm 100)

Last month I attended the National Catholic Bible Conference, and it was a phenomenal weekend. The speakers were excellent and the talks were very inspiring. I think the workshop that touched me the most was Dr. Mary Healy’s talk on “The Power of Praise.”

Dr. Healy started by explaining the difference between praise and thanksgiving. We praise God for who he is, for his greatness and his faithfulness for instance. We thank him for what he does, for all the blessings he bestows on us. Both praise and thanksgiving are essential for our spiritual well-being, for that is what we were created for: to give praise and glory to God.

Praising God helps to put things in perspective. Our problems don’t seem so big when we recall who God is, the creator of the entire universe. He is bigger than any of our problems, and he always does what is best for us. He has a plan for each of our lives. He sees the big picture. We just need to trust that he knows what he’s doing.

I was especially touched when Dr. Healy said that praise “changes the spiritual landscape.” Praising God is so powerful that it actually makes the demons flee!

St. Paul exhorts us to praise and thank God continually, in all circumstances. If we make a habit of praising God in the good times, it will be much easier to do so in the rough times.

I have been trying to develop a habit of thankfulness in my own life, trying to find good in every situation. Like the song says, I’ve been trying to “accentuate the positive” and “eliminate the negative.”

Since the conference, I’ve also been trying to make a habit of praising God continually. When I pray, I try to start by praising God first, and I’m beginning to witness for myself the “power of praise.” Just in the last week, I’ve experienced several miracles which I attribute to praise and persistent prayer. Praise God, our creator and Lord!

Treasure the Present Moment

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day.” (Matt. 6:34)

Lately, the Lord has been teaching me a very important lesson: treasure the present moment. In a homily a few months ago, our pastor pointed out that if we’re too busy looking back on the past or planning for the future, we miss out on what God is trying to show us right now.

When I go for my daily walk on the rail trail I tend to spend a lot of time looking back on my mistakes and sins, lamenting what could have been, or looking ahead at what I need to do that day or that week, etc. When I talk to people I often catch myself thinking more of what I want to say next, rather than really listening to what the other person is saying.

For the past few weeks, therefore, I’ve been really trying to live in the present moment. When I go for a walk I try to listen to the birds singing, and I try to look around, taking time to marvel at the beauty of God’s creation.

God has been showing me that I especially need to be more aware of the people around me, not just my family and friends, but the people I meet on the street or in the grocery store. If I’m too wrapped up in my own thoughts and plans, I miss out on opportunities to share God’s love with others.

I like to read “The Word Among Us” (a magazine with meditations on the daily Mass readings). On May 23 of this year, there was a meditation that really struck me. The first reading for that day was about the time St. Paul spent in prison in Rome before his execution. The meditation for that day was about a Vietnamese cardinal named Nguyen Van Thuan, who spent many years in a Communist prison.

Rather than lamenting over what he had lost, or looking ahead to the day he would be free again, Cardinal Van Thuan chose to “live the present moment and fill it with love.” He accepted God’s will and saw his present situation as his “cathedral” and his fellow prisoners as the people God had given him to care for.

The author of the meditation then encouraged readers to look at difficult situations in their own lives and “decide here and now to make this situation your cathedral and…try your best to accept God’s will.” There are many situations in my life that I’ve wanted God to just “fix,” so that I’d be free of the stress and pain. I’m trying really hard, though, to submit my will to God and trust him to work things out in his time, for my good and for the good of those I love.

In the meantime, I’m trying to be more open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and to follow through on every opportunity he gives me to “fill the present moment with love.” It's a daily struggle, but I believe that God will accomplish his work in me, little by little, if I but trust in him and respond to his grace.