It’s that time of year again. I must confess that I’ve never been a big fan of Lent. I guess I’ve always been part of that crowd that sees Lent just as a time to “give up” something, and the things that I’ve given up in years past have probably been things that I didn’t care that much about anyway.
God is showing me, though, that Lent is meant to be so much more than “giving up” something. It’s meant to be a time of refreshment and renewal, a time to take a good look at our lives and see what God wants to change.
Over the past six months I’ve been trying to work on my speech habits, particularly in the area of gossip and complaining. I’ve also been trying to be less selfish and self-centered. I thought I was making some progress, and I was feeling pretty pleased with myself. Then I went on vacation.
My husband and I left on Ash Wednesday for six days in San Antonio. Before we left, I spent a lot of time planning what we’d do while we were there. I also planned to do some genealogy research, so I was prepared with all kinds of cool things to look for at the library there. I even had a tentative itinerary worked out in my head.
God must have had a good laugh when he saw me making all those plans, for he had other plans for me. First, my phone died almost as soon as we got off the plane. Once we checked into our hotel at 3:00, my husband went right to bed and slept for the next 12 hours straight. I did not feel like going to sleep at that time, so I was left with no phone and nothing to do.
The next day, which I had planned to use for research, we spent most of the morning getting me a new phone and getting my minutes and phone number transferred from my old phone. By the time we got to the library to research, it was almost 1:00. After researching for a few hours, I noticed that my husband was falling asleep and was looking more and more miserable. I kept working for a little longer, but I knew that I had to quit, even if it meant that I didn’t accomplish nearly as much as I had hoped.
When we got back to the hotel, my husband went to bed, so I was left on my own again. As the hours passed, I became more and more agitated and angry. I could see all my plans for this vacation going out the window. I knew that it was supposed to rain on Saturday and Sunday, and I envisioned us spending the whole vacation in our hotel room. I was feeling sorry for myself, but I also felt discouraged by my sinful attitudes. I was failing miserably in the very things that I had been trying to work on.
The next day, before breakfast, I started out with an extended time of prayer. What a difference that made! I began the day with a better attitude, and that day and the rest of the weekend went really well. I was able to finish up my research at the library, and we were also able to do most of the things that I had planned. Although it did rain on Saturday, we had a wonderful visit with my daughter and son-in-law, and we got to do lots of fun things.
Now that we’re back home I’m trying to spend more time in prayer, and I’m trying to make more meaningful sacrifices. God gave me countless opportunities last week to grow in trust, and to “count it all joy” in times of stress. I’m afraid that I failed miserably, but I pray that He will have mercy on me and will not give up on me.
